Time runs so fast. I still can’t believe that the physical body of the person closest to me has turned back into ashes. He’s still with me, but he’s now inside an urn. I wasn’t able to talk to him before he died. He was struggling to breathe deeply while his eyes were wide opened.

He cried for the first time. I never saw him cry before. His tears fell down from his eyes, but he never said anything. There were no last words because he wasn’t able to speak anymore.

2 hours before he died, I was able to call PGH and schedule for an ambulance to pick up my dad while he’s still alive. I dialed 554-8400, and the automatic voice prompted. I was then connected to the ambulance department.

Jehzeel:Hello po. Kelangan ko po ng ambulance. Masyadong mahina na tatay ko, kelangan ko po siya dalhin sa PGH.
PGH Operator: San po ang location nila?
Jehzeel: Manila area po, near SM San Lazaro
PGH Operator: Hindi namin convered ang area na yan. Isakay niyo nalang sa taxi. *Unpolitely speaking*
Jehzeel: Hindi na po siya makalakad. Masyadong mahina na.
PGH Operator: Ehdi buhatin niyo tapos isakay niyo sa taxi.
Jehzeel: May stage 4 cancer po siya, kelangan ko sana e admit today.
PGH Operator: E bat nasa bahay niyo lng? Wala sa hospital?
Jehzeel: Kasi po na discharge na siya 2 weeks ago. Then nanghina ulit ngayon. Kelangan ko ulit e admit, pero sa PGH na kasi mahal ang USTH. Nakuha ko na din ang medical records for transfer.
PGH Operator: So anong gagawin namin dyan? Kami mag a-alaga nyan? Dahil mahal ang USTH, ililipat niyo na sa PGH, tama po ba?
Jehzeel: Opo, kelangan ko na po ng ambulance now para ma admit na namin siya sa PGH.
PGH Operation: Ano bang status ng patient ngayon? Pag emergency yan, pwede namin pick-up, tawag ka ulit sa hotline namin tapos pa transfer ka to emergency.

I called PGH again and followed the instructions of the PGH Operator guy.

Jehzeel: Hello? I need an ambulance po, emergency po sana, hindi na makahinga tatay ko.
PGH Emergency Guy: San ang location nila?
Jehzeel: Manila po, near SM San Lazaro.
PGH Emergency Guy: Ay hindi kami aabot sa lugar na yan. Within 2 kilometers lng kami. Tawag ka nalang sa ibang ambulance, like sa Red Cross.
Jehzeel: Ok po.

I then tweeted that I hate PGH and blah blah blah. Good thing Ria Barretto of Nuffnang BBMed me and gave me a contact number of Ace Cor Ambulance service, after reading my tweet. Right after I received the number I called Ace Cor and scheduled for an ambulance pick-up to our residence. They said that they will arrive in 45 minutes to 1 hour.

To make sure that an ambulance will arrive on time, I also called the emergency hotline 117 and they forwarded me to the Philippine Red Cross. 117 told me to put the phone down because they will contact me in a few seconds. At that time, my father is struggling to breath. He’s now inhaling and exhaling faster than normal. I panicked, but not in an obvious manner. I called 117 again because they didn’t call me after 1 minute. I told them to hurry because my dad is obviously having a hard time breathing.

Our neighbors were now watching outside, trying to figure out what’s happening inside our house. A lot of things happened and I cannot remember every detail. My dad just stopped breathing at 6:45PM last November 15, 2011. His eyes were wide opened when he died. I still didn’t lose hope and I think that he’s still alive. I borrowed an oxygen tank from our neighbor. And I also found out that there’s a registered nurse next door.

The nurse told me that my father had no pulse and he was now gone. I still can’t believe it and I think that he just stopped breathing for a while and he can still be revived. The Red Cross ambulance arrived after 30 minutes, and they said that they will not pick-up the patient anymore because he’s already dead. I asked if they can bring my dad’s body to USTH, but they refused.

My neighbors told me that I should just bring the body directly to the funeral home, so that I will not pay extra hospital bills if I rush my dad to the emergency room of USTH. I didn’t agree with them and told them that I will still bring my dad to the hospital and hope for a miracle.

After an hour, the Ace Cor ambulance arrived. Ace Cor is a private and paid ambulance, that’s why they didn’t refuse wherever I want to bring my dad. We then proceeded to USTH ER and I told the ER staff to revive my dad. They asked me twice if I’m still willing to revive him, because they will try all their best to revive the patient. I said yes. They tried hard and did whatever they could, but after 10 minutes, the doctor asked me again that there will be complications and his ribs might break. I still asked them to revive and I hoped for a miracle. After 15 minutes, they said that my dad is really dead and we can’t revive him anymore. If they will try harder, nothing will happen.

I don’t wanna let go, but I have to. I’m at the brink of agony on that very moment. I still can’t believe that my father passed away. I want to force myself and believe that I was just inside a dream, inside a very bad nightmare.

I’m still smiling that time, but deep inside, I’m full of pain. I never cried, but deep inside, my heart is mourning. I settled my hospital bills and brought my dad’s body to St. Peter Funeral home. My friends and family gathered and visited my dad’s wake. Some of my close friends and relatives wasn’t able to come. They just sent their condolences via e-mail and SMS.

A few days passed, I have learned to accept that my dad is now resting in peace. My dad’s remains were cremated last November 19, 2011. It’s really painful. I wasn’t able to buy the piano that he wants, the bike that he wants, and some material things that he wants. I wasn’t able to bring him abroad as I promised him. He has a passport, because I asked him to get one. It’s still unmarked and I’m very sad that I wasn’t able to extend his life for a few months or years so that we can travel together abroad. I think what I did for him wasn’t enough.

Now I’m back online. It’s time to work again and pay my debts.

PS: Thanks to everyone who lent me some cash to help pay my dad’s hospital bills. Thanks also to all of my online and offline friends who donated blood to my tatay. He said that if he will survive cancer, he will donate blood to you as well when you will need it sometime in the future. But sadly, he didn’t. Once again, thanks to all of you. You know who are and you will never be forgotten.